About to Let Go

I know that pretty much no one reads this blog.  I'm ok with that.  I really only still post so I can get credit in my New Testament class.  Today though, I have some other things to talk about that will come first.

Florianòpolis, where I will be spending
18 months of my life, serving its wonderful people.

So I have a mission call now, a specific day for me to go to a specific place for eighteen months.  During that time, I will be so removed from everything in my life right now.  I will not see anyone, go to school, listen to popular music, wear casual clothes, watch TV, or any number of things that are in my life right now.  I won't even really be a part of my own family.  I will be able to email or write letters once a week, and a call home once ever six months, that's only three times the whole time I am there.  My mom already has said that they aren't going to be very descriptive in what is happening at home, since I need to be focused.  I have friends who say they will write me, but sending letters from the United States to Brazil is expensive and takes weeks.

In essence I am going to be leaving my entire life behind, starting in 129 days.  I have friends with calls who are trying to nail down their lives before they leave.  In fact, I know several who are trying to convince their crush in the next few months that they would be great together so they can date after they get back.  I myself have been trying to figure out where I am going to live, and whether or not I will need two jobs or a student loan.  Mostly though, I see people trying to set their friendships in stone so they can let go for any time between eighteen months and two years and come back exactly where they were before.

It's scary, that idea of letting go, of losing control of so much of your life for that long.  A mission changes you, and who is to say that your friend/roommate/significant other will change the same way?  I will be returning in a little less that two years.  When I think back to who I was almost two years ago, I am astounded by how different I am.  Almost two years ago I was about to graduate high school.  I was full of petty grudges, insecurities, and also a lot of pride.  I didn't like my family, extended or otherwise, and I couldn't wait to get away to beautiful BYU, the school of my dreams.  The friends that I had then are not my friends now.  I don't even talk to them anymore.  I have changed, and they have changed, to the point where I don't know if either party would still be good friends.  The same thing happens during a mission, but even more, because you are put through trials and all you have to hold on to is the Lord.  A few flimsy letters from miles and miles away written by people you won't see for months won't do the trick.

These are all the places I have lived.
I actually lived in Ohio two different times.

My dad was in the Air Force until just a couple of years ago.  My childhood consisted of moving states or countries once every two or three years.  I have had to let go of a lot of people.  After a while I started to develop a sort of system.  I got close to a lot of people really fast (not too close though, you'll understand later) and had a fun first few months.  After that I would decide who I wanted my closer friends to be, and do it (still not getting too close though) and have a great time.  After a while though, my family would get new orders and prepare to leave again.  We would put our house up for sale, start packing the non-essentials  and look for a new house at the new place.  It would be then that I would start letting go of everyone.  I would be a bit more distant, not try as much, and definitely not be as emotionally involved.  I would start this process pretty early, so I would have a couple of months of distance.  This would make the move easier on me and my friends.  It made for a few lonely months, but neither I or the people I left behind would be missed.

I have already started doing this when it comes to my mission.  There are friends that I used to be really close to that I haven't talked to in a few days or weeks.  I even have a class with a couple of them, but I will barely say hello and a few sentences of the awkward "How are you?"  "Good"  "Me too." before and after class when I can slip away again.  I have effectively slid from close friend to friend/acquaintance.  Sure it gets a bit sad when I see a Facebook post about a fun hangout with their "favorite people in the world" and I never heard about it, and remember times when I was so involved.  Still, I can't force myself to change it.  When I get back, most of them will either be about to graduate, on missions themselves for another year, or off living somewhere together.  I have plans to room with a relatively new friend afterwards, since we'll be coming back within a month of each other, but even if that fell through I would be fine.  I have learned just how easy it is to start over again.

My favorite book right now

Wow, ok I am feeling a bit depressed after writing all that!  Time to move on to the awesome, happy stuff about having a mission call, starting at the bottom of stuff that thrills me.

First, Mission Prep. Class.  I am so much more involved.  I am desperate for any little drop of knowledge that will help me teach someone.  I feel that since my effort is increased, the Spirit brings a lot more things to the front of my mind.

Second, Portuguese.  I can't believe how much I love this language.  It is a bit tough trying to lose my Mexican/Argentinian accent but so great when I can read my Livro de Mormon and understand it.  When I am in a religion class and I learn something amazing my mind jumps straight to "remember that you need to find a good way to say that in Portuguese."

Third, starting at the bottom and working my way up.  I know when I get to the MTC in Sáo Paulo I will be so far below what I want and need to be to actually teach people.  I won't know what pretty much anyone is saying, or how to talk back to them.  I won't know how to teach people.  But I am so excited to get better, to be fluent, and know how to let the Spirit teach through me.

Draper Temple

Fourth, being endowed.  This is so amazing to me that I get to go through the temple.  The plan is to go during my family's Spring Break in less than a month.  I am so excited!  I will be given more responsibilities, sure, but I will also be given an extra helping of the Spirit to help me with them.  We talked about endowments in New Testament this week.  We talked about the fall and apostasy of the people of Israel, and how the Law of Moses was a step for them to get back on the path they were on.  Professor Griffin said that for us, being endowed is that last step to get up to that level of fully living the gospel and getting closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in this life.  I want to be on that level.

I guess you could say that even though I am letting go of a lot of things that I love, I am taking up many more things that I will love even more.  I can't even imagine what other things will come of going on my mission but I am more than willing to let go in order to receive.