I'm Baaaaack!!!

Wow, long time no see!

I've had a bit of a rough month.  I haven't been as attentive as I should have been and as a result, a few things have happened.  

1.  The schedule of my life has been funky.

2.  I've lost touch with some friends.

3.  New situations have taken me by surprise and I’ve been pretty lost.

But no more!!

Now, I'm not saying I’ve become a bad person or anything, but I’ve been coasting, that's for sure, and it has to stop.  The road to awesomeness is full of tough choices, but they are worth it.  

Tonight I want to talk about humility and faith.  Over Thanksgiving Break, my mom told me that I need to be more humble.  I didn't realize for a while just how right she was.  I tend to justify myself a lot, and feel like I don't need to worry, that I can handle anything.  But I’m not that strong, and I’m far from perfect.  I realize that I wish I were more humble, you get blessings!  Alma 32:12 links humility with wisdom.  As a sophomore at BYU, trying to get into the very competitive Accounting program in the Marriott Business School, I need all the wisdom I can get.  Think about it; are you as humble as you could be?  I'm not.  Even this blog shows that!  Part of my reasoning behind it is that someone could learn something from me, as if I know more than people about the gospel!!  How conceited is that?  I apologize!  I promise now I will try to keep this as a record of what I learn only.

Anyway, in the same chapter of Alma is the famous comparison of faith to a seed.  I think most of us know how it goes.  Plant the seed of faith.  If it grows, great, it's a good seed, take care of it!  I never really thought about the other side.  If it doesn't grow, it's a bad seed, throw it out.

This can be for more than faith.  It can be for choosing a major, testing a new medicine, or beginning a new relationship.  Try it, take care of it.  If it's good, it will grow, if not, it won't, get rid of it.  I myself have a bit of trouble with the 'get rid of it' part.  It's hard for me to let something go that I’ve cared for, no matter what.  But I guess that's my pride again.  My time is not so precious that I shouldn't admit to a mistake and change.  Darn the difficulty I have to try.  Here's to change, I'm so grateful that I can.  Wouldn't it be awful to be stuck at subpar forever?

All right well it's late, and my emotions are a bit raw, so I bid you goodnight.

Election 2012

I know that a lot of people are upset by what happened tonight, I kind of am too.  I voted for Romney.  But try and think this way.

While Obama might not been my choice, and I feel that the country would be better off with Romney at the wheel, I highly doubt he would do anything that would stop me from living my standards.  The United States is a country of the people.  Our leaders will not do things to truly 'screw us over.'  Honestly, I feel like most of them that I don't agree with just enable people to do things I don't agree with or make it harder for me to do the things I want.

As a Mormon, I am not discouraged by the bad things in the world, I let them fall behind me, and I am not saddened by having to work harder to live my testimony.  I relish it.  I get to prove beyond any doubt how devoted I am to doing what's right.  

The true problem in America is not who is in charge, it's what the people want.  Their moral compasses do not point North.  The president can't change this, it isn't his job.  He does not have responsibility for the nation's morals.  I feel that with Romney as president we would eventually still fall into a moral quagmire.  My personal standards have been deviating from the world's for years, and whoever is living in the White House won't change that.  The only thing that can is the Word of the One True God.

I guess what I'm saying is as long as I can live my life the way the Lord wants me to, I will rejoice.  Lift up your heads and rejoice, for now is the time we will stand out beyond any other.  The world is darkening, let's shine brighter in comparison.  

Who Wants to Go on a Family Vacation?

Tonight I was reading in James E. Talmage's "Jesus The Christ."  I've heard stories about this book, and so far, it's living up to the hype.  Brother Talmage has such mastery over words and concepts, he paints a beautiful picture of the Christ.

I was reading about the pre-existence.  During this "time" we as spirit children of God decided against Lucifer's plan of compulsion.  We chose to suffer through life and exercise free agency.  Brother Talmage calls free agency our "divine heritage."  This made me think back to earlier today, to a conversation I had with a few of my residents.  I won't go into details about anything, but it really made me wonder what sort of futures these girls will have, how many times their hearts will break before they find relief, what sort of mothers they will become, and when their personal conversions will occur.

God is our spiritual father, the creator of our souls and everything in our universe.  I love to compare Him to an earthly father when I think of Him in relation to me, it makes more sense to my mind, which is still bound behind the inhibiting veil.  If I was given the gift of freedom for a day from my parents, my favorite gift of all when I was in high school, what would I do with it?  I know something I definitely would not do!  Be bored!  Now if I was told that what I did with this one day of freedom would determine if I could join my family on a vacation to the most amazing place on earth, would I act differently?  Of course!  I would probably stay at home a bit more, talk to my parents, and check with them whether or not an activity I had in mind would disqualify me from the family vacation.  I would make sure I was around the right friends, who would not encourage me to get a bit wild.  I would probably try to schmooze a little bit and run some errands.  I might pick up my siblings from school, do some grocery shopping, and help organize the house.  Then, when I was pretty positive I was doing ok, I would hold back a bit and try to keep myself physically safe.  I wouldn't want to be sick or injured on the vacation!  In other words, I would live that day on my absolute best behavior.

This is what our lives are!  A day of absolute freedom, that determines whether we can enjoy a future paradise.  We should be living on our best behaviors.  We should be with those who uplift us, not those who encourage us to dabble a bit in the "fun stuff" in life.  We should stay in the Lord's home, the temple as much as we can, and talk to Him, to know whether the path we are on is a good one.  We should be picking up our "siblings" from school, or rather, serving our fellow man and doing missionary work.  We should run the errands of the Lord, and He will tell us what those are, He will not leave us in the dark.  When was the last time your mom or dad asked you to do something, but didn't tell you what it was you needed to do?  We should organize His kingdom on the earth.  Then, when I say keeping ourselves physically safe, I mean that somewhat literally.  If you haven't read my post about the nature of the soul, it's here.  Our souls depend on our bodies being intact to function at optimal levels.  This includes our emotions.  I know many people who throw themselves around like a Lego in a drier, living life on the edge.  Sure the ride is fun, but it's not worth the cracks and melted plastic that we end up as.   We are NOT supposed to "eat, drink, and be merry" just because we can.  Yes I know that the verse I took that from is more about people believing that God will forgive all their sins with no effort on their part, but I feel it still applies here.  Just because we can repent of our sins, doesn't mean we should be living a life where we have to repent of every other thing we do.  Just because duct tape is amazing doesn't mean we should cut ourselves in half.  After a car is dented in an accident, you can push the metal back into shape, but it is weaker than before, and more liable to bend again.

Life is not the party, life is the road to the party.

Sorry if I kind of get stuck on this topic, there's many a time where I want to grab people by the shoulders and say "Stop living life so carelessly!!  It was given as a gift, and the price was beyond any you can comprehend!  It really isn't actually even yours!"  I get really frustrated by it so I apologize to anyone who feels offended by this.  I just wish people would take a step back and think about what it is that they are really doing.

Anyway, just keep in mind that this life is a time of probation, not of party nations.

Milk Vs. Meat

Tonight while reading, I was led to read in Hebrews Chapter 5.  At first I didn't know why, because it mainly talks about Christ being a high priest and the priesthood.  The last three verses though, caught hold of my mind.

12.  For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.
13.  For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.
14.  But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

For those of you that don't exactly understand the metaphor here, I'll explain it.  Milk is the basic doctrine, the foundation of testimonies, such as the love of God and having faith in Him and His plan.  Think of it this way, what do you feed babies?  Milk!  So what do you give spiritual babies?  Spiritual milk!  If you can remember any Primary lessons, think back to them.  I don't really remember being taught them but I do remember teaching a few myself.  Many of them are scripture stories where the lesson is "Have Faith," "Love One Another," or "Obey Your Mommy and Daddy."  This is the spiritual milk that feeds us until we are on our feet and ready to walk.  That is when we move on to the strong meat.  Meat is protein, which builds muscle, making us strong, which allows us to do many different things. It allows ballerinas to leap and stand for hours on the tips of their toes and construction workers to work together to create immense structures.  Therefore spiritual meat is what really strengthens us on specific topics.  It allows some of us to leap through the air and really feel this word reverberate through us, and some of us to cooperate to create a magnificent, spiritual environment for others.

It's really amazing how true this metaphor is!  When we are young, if we drink enough milk, we do not often have problems with weak bones when we are older.  The same goes for building a strong foundation for our testimonies.  I can personally say right now that I know for a fact that there is a God who cares about me personally and has blessed me by placing me in His one true church. These are a few things that I will never be able to deny.  But just as muscle can be gained and lost and needs constant upkeep, so our testimonies constantly shift, growing larger and smaller depending on the effort we put into them.


I am sure there are even more ways this metaphor can be applied, but for now I will just leave it there.  The message I got from these verses was this.  You are not a babe any more, your foundation is not in danger, you have been lingering on the basics for too long.  Move on.  Learn more.  Grow more.  Partake of the strong meat and become strong in the Spirit.

Recognize where you are developmentally and what you are "eating."  Don't be a baby gnawing (or maybe even gumming) at a slab of meat.  Don't be an adult swilling milk.  Be who you are, and what you are meant to be will follow.

Not Guilty, Your Honor

It's been a while hasn't it?

My life is calming down a bit, but I really just needed to share this amazing thought that I learned about tonight.

I was reading about Christ and what He did for us, and continues to do for us.  It hit me most when I read in D&C 45:3

"Listen to him who is the advocate with the Father, who is pleading your cause before him."

This made me think of a lawyer in the middle of a courtroom, arguing that we are innocent, and not guilty.  In a court case, the lawyer often tells his client not to say certain things, go certain places, or talk to certain people.  Jesus Christ does the same.  He essentially tells us, "Look, I'm arguing the innocent plea, don't do anything that will make you look guilty."

Now I don't know about you, but there are plenty of cop shows where the defendant disobeys their lawyer and does something that completely ruins their case.  Isn't it marvelous that when we do something to incriminate ourselves, our Lawyer has already taken the fall for us?

Christ's capacity to love and forgive is equal to that of His suffering.  He experienced the worst agony for us. For someone who loves us so dearly, to experience all of our sorrows?  Those terrible moments of sadness that are so necessary for our moments of joy.  I am in no way near Christ's level when it comes to love, but when I see someone that I care about have a bad day, I feel so sad for them.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to feel that sadness, in its most pure form, for every person that has ever lived or will live, and then to be brutally executed by people who claim to serve Him?

After all this, His request that we listen to His perfect advice, His guidlines to a happy life, shouldn't be difficult.  Of course, we cannot be perfect on the first go-round, but He is patient.  He will wait for us.  What a blessing!

Anyway, that was my thought for the night.  

We Thank Thee Oh God For a Prophet

Tonight while studying the scriptures, I started thinking about Joseph Smith.  I was reading his account of the First Vision and it hit me how truly amazing and astounding this experience must have been for him.

Imagine this.

You're fourteen years old.  I don't know about you, but at fourteen years old I was a weird little home schooled sophomore living in a foreign country.  I was most definitely not prepared at that time in my life to meet the Creator of the Universe face to face, I doubt you were either.  Honestly, Joseph probably wasn't!  He'd gone out to the woods to pray, not to speak directly to the Redeemer of Mankind.  You've been to barely enough school to read the Bible verse that inspired your actions and enough church experience to thoroughly confuse you.  My brother was probably more mentally prepared for an experience like this at fourteen.  I really can't judge spiritually, but my brother had at least been born and raised in a stable family that had the truth.  Joseph was raised in a family that moved a lot, lost family members from time to time, and was currently split between religions.

I can only imagine Joseph's horror, when, after deciding to quietly ask the Lord for some help, he was set upon by the terrible power of the adversary.  As a brand new teenager, woefully unprepared, he was hit with the full, destructive force of darkness.  I know people who have had similar experiences, and even a couple times been close enough to witness the physical power that he can have.  These are my most terrifying memories, ones that I do not dare dwell on.  I can only assume that for a fairly innocent boy, experiencing this must have been almost a literal hell on earth.

Until that moment when the Lord manifested Himself.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, the Savior, the Creator, the One True God, showing Himself to a fourteen-year-old, uneducated, probably grimy and tear-stained, farm boy from upstate New York.  Can you imagine some of the thought Joseph might have had about that fact?  Precious few men had every actually beheld the true, divine form of God.  Moses, Abraham, Adam, the original twelve apostles.  Suddenly he appears to you, an absolute nobody.  Except, the Lord doesn't physically speak to nobodies, obviously you are someone much more than a nobody.  Imagine that for a moment.  Completely unsuspecting Joseph is floored with the appearance of two beings "whose brightness and glory defy all description" who call him by name and then say he has a great work to do.  Moses had to be transfigured to speak to God, we can only assume that something similar must have happened to Joseph at that time, how else could he have handled that experience?  When Christ appeared to the Nephites, He told them things that no human tongue could even utter, because the human mind cannot comprehend.

We are so blessed that Joseph was preordained to this task.  He sacrificed his entire life to the mission the Lord gave him that day.  He restored the truth to us, who were spiritually starving without it, so we are now so full we can't stand it anymore and have to share with others to keep from bursting.  How blessed we are the the Lord chose the perfect boy for the future job.  To plagiarize Brigham Young a bit, I feel like shouting hallelujah all the time when I think that Joseph Smith the prophet really saw God, and His Son, Jesus Christ, and was willing to give his all to bring light back to this dark world.  I know he was a prophet, do you?

The Condescension of God

I'm feeling horribly impatient, and yet excited right now.

Everything in my life is pointing to a mission right now, almost as if I'm walking down a path with giant arrows with flashing lights all around the edges, with the sound of my favorite song and the smell of my favorite food down at the end.  Unfortunately there's also a sign that tells me the traffic conditions and how long it will take me to get there.  Almost eight months!  It's amazing how three years to a mission was fine and far enough away for me and no suddenly I'm dying with two thirds of a year to go.  It's only been two weeks that my life has been like this.  Best two weeks of my life. Not the easiest, not by a long shot, but definitely the most rewarding as of yet.

Today I thought a lot about the Savior.  Last night I had a talk with Rachel about it.  Rachel is another Hinckley RA.  We were talking about Jesus and the sacrifices he made for us.  It hit us last night that Christ was judged beyond anything anyone else ever could be.  He was (and is) the literal Son of God, the one and only perfect being to live on the Earth.  He did no wrong and could be blamed for nothing.  Yet those Pharisees and Scribes and Sadducees who essentially devoted their lives to His word called Him a blasphemer, and of the devil.  That is about as far away as you can possibly get from the true nature of Christ. Yet Jesus meekly submitted to their judgement, even until they sentenced Him to death for his "sins."  If this had happened to anyone who was not Christ, it would have been humiliating!  Being destroyed by those whose job it is to know you because they did not recognize you.

The fact that He allowed it to happen so that I might be forgiven and resurrected is the greatest act of love that I can possibly imagine.  I am so grateful for His sacrifice.  Taking the sacrament today was a great experience, because I thought of what led to it, and some of the pain and love that was put into it.  I felt like shouting hallelujah when it entered my mind.  

I didn't though, I decided not to disturb those in my ward who were also having a spiritual experience.

Indexing!

So on Sunday I got a calling, surprise!  It was to me anyway.  I'm an indexer!  So basically in order to magnify my calling, I get to sit in the library and index for a few hours a week.  That's what I've been doing for the past couple of hours.  It's so great!  I get to look at really old documents and decipher crazy handwriting (really, why do people insist on using cursive?) and I also get to learn some really cool stuff.
I started off with some marriage licences from Canada.  I noticed that in a lot of the couples, the girl was actually a few years older than the guy.  I'm not sure if that is normal there, but I just found it really interesting because it's usually the other way around here.  Though I did see one where the groom was 32 and the bride was 18!  Ridiculous!  Well after that I got to do some WW1 draft registration cards.  

It's actually really peaceful.  I'm in the religion and family history section of the library, which is really cool because quite a few missionaries work here or come here for their studies.  I just that that is really cool and it got me thinking about the places I might serve my mission.  Sure, I'll probably serve a 'normal' mission, but I could be called to Temple Square, or Nauvoo, or one of the other major church history site.  That could be really amazing.  Sure, there wouldn't be the same sort of dynamic, but at the same time, I would be around all the amazing places where revelation occurred.  I would be able to show investigators the physical evidence of the Lord's work on the earth, how cool would that be?

Still, no matter where I go is where I need to be.  Thank goodness for those with the authority to send missionaries where the Spirit directs!

Well I have to go, been busier, but I've also been less busy.

Ta!

No Love Lost

I am very grateful today for how well the Lord knows me, and how He knows exactly how and when to comfort me.

Yesterday I was feeling a little bitter.  I was on Facebook, scrolling down the News Feed.  I started feeling this terrible, jealous, bitter feeling when I saw how many of my facebook friends are in relationship.  Changed relationship statuses, cute posts about how in love they are, kissing pictures, wedding announcements.  I kid you not.  Ten stories in a row were like this.  It was crazy!

Well I started feeling a bit angry, like "I chose to be single!  It was the right decision, why is it suddenly so sad that I'm not dating someone, that I'm focusing my efforts elsewhere?" 

Oh, for those who suddenly wonder what happened to Brandon, that's a long story.  Made short, I have a lot I need to focus on.  Mission, work, classes, rebuilding friendships, returning to the temple, my calling, etc. and I just didn't have room for him in my life anymore.  It's sad, yes, but hopefully there will be a day where we are both in a position to have it work out right.

Anyway, I was just feeling worse and worse so I switched off of Facebook and found something else to do. I prayed for a bit of comfort, I didn't want to feel this way.  I didn't receive comfort for a while actually, i was left to stew for a bit, around three hours I would say.  It did come though, right when I least expected it.  I was about to drift off to sleep when I suddenly was overwhelmed with this sense of love.  It was a physical sensation that made me gasp out loud and of course I started to cry.  In that instant, all the bad feelings about everything washed away.  I received a lot of insight on how I will feel about my future spouse and how he feels about me.  I know the kind of person he is.  There was a bit more, but I want to keep that a bit more private and personal as I feel it's a too sacred for a blog.  I will say that I felt absolute peace about it though, like "Don't worry, he already loves you, and has you in his thoughts."

This experience, combined with my scripture study this morning, which was perfectly tailored to what I need to do today, just demonstrates to me the all-knowing power of God.  He sees all.  He sees us, and the people and things that need to be in our lives, and He tweaks the universe to get them there.  He notices our feelings,  and takes action when we ask for comfort.  He might ask us to wait for a bit, but it always comes.  If I had received peace in my heart when I had asked, sure I would have felt better, but I would not have been as open to the heartwarming experience that occurred, my mind would not have been in the right place to have comprehended it.  He knows at what time we are ready, when His love will have the greatest effect on us.  He loves us, He loves you.  Don't forget that.

Chosen Daughters of God

Wow, best Sunday I've had in a long while!  Well....besides last week at General Conference.
But anyway.
I haven't been in the best place for the last while, so this is the first time in months that I've managed to be in all three hours of church.  I honestly don't know why that happened.  Why did I choose that?  Why did I pass up on this amazing experience?!  I guess I just didn't realize what I was missing.

9:00 a.m. church.  Usually I'm not a fan, most people aren't.  I woke up at 7:30 this morning!  I'm really productive in the mornings if I can actually get up, and today I did!  Just popped out of bed and got ready for the day.  I had my MOTAB playing, singing along, and thinking about what I needed to do today.  I got ready quick enough to chat in the hallway before heading out to the JKB.

Forward to church, during sacrament meeting we had the two relief society presidents and the two elders quorum presidents speak today about living by the Spirit and making decisions based on what the Lord wants you to do.  Obviously this was because of the announcement about changing missionary ages.  They were really inspirational, and got me thinking about how blessed I am.  The fact that I have an all-powerful, all-knowing deity on my side, letting me know what to do, and helping me get there?  That's amazing!  It's like playing t-ball when your dad is a professional baseball player and gets to shadow you during the game, telling you where to go and what to do.

Then I got to go to Temple Prep class, which was fantastic!  We talked about what things you need to do to go to the temple worthily.  I got an excellent booklet/manual on the subject that I have already started reading.  So great!  We talked a bit about the Word of Wisdom, which was great because that ended up being the lesson in Relief Society as well!  It's just so amazing!  All week my personal study has been about the nature of the soul, and how it is the body and the spirit, and how it was created and is part of the Lord.  Then the continuation of this being the Word of Wisdom?  I cannot describe how perfectly this fits in.  It is clear to me that the Lord is guiding me through my study, making every new thing a continuation on the previous.  Line on line, precept on precept you know?  Exactly what I need to know.  

Then there was floor meeting!  I don't know if I've said this before, but the girls in my hall are absolutely amazing!  Our meeting was essentially the same message as sacrament meeting.  I started them off by having them close their eyes.  I told them to imagine a page, on one half of the page I told them to write down the things they wanted to do with their lives.  Then after a bit, I asked them to write on the other half the sort of things their patriarchal blessing or the scriptures or any personal revelation they had ever received had said about these things.  Then we talked about how these lists were different.  Emmy said she felt that the first was more shallow and immediate, while the other had a more eternal perspective.  Then we talked about how the Lord has an eternal perspective and knows what the best possible path is for us to take.  I told them about my experiences this week and how everything has been lining up perfectly to confirm the revelation I received during the Saturday Morning session.  The we opened it up for discussion.  Hanna asked everyone what tings they did to ask for revelation, and the girls opened up!  Oh it was beautiful!  I am surrounded by the Lord's finest, most valiant souls.  Hearing the things they do to grow closer to their Heavenly Father was so inspiring.  I wish I had been like them last year.  Descriptions of temple visits, fasting, prayer, priesthood blessings, talking with family, and more were common.  Last year I would maybe pray, wait for a minute for an answer, maybe if it was a really big problem I would think about it in the temple, but often that would not be the case.

I see now partly why they opened up this age group for missions.  These girls are so willing and so ready.  They have great desire to serve the Lord.  For a while, I was worried that there would be some girls that would not make the right decision, or that they would choose it for the wrong reasons simply from peer pressure or personal weakness.  I have no fear now that they will lose their way.  Many of them already know what the Lord desires of them, and the rest have the faith and the patience to wait for their answer.

These are the Chosen Daughters of God, and I am so blessed to be among them at this time in my life.  They are a better influence on me, than I could ever possibly be on them.  I love them so much.

Lucky You!

Thinking, once again, of how lucky I am, and I want to give you some idea of how lucky you are.  I've never done something like this before, so bear with me, but hopefully this will turn out pretty cool.

Start here, I will ask you a question, your answer will direct you to a different paragraph, which will have some stuff and then another question, which directs you somewhere else and so on and so on.  So here goes.

Do you live in the United States?
Yes - 3
No - 7

1.  Awww sad!  Continuing your education past high school is great!  It opens a lot of opportunities for you. Here's the good thing though, it's not required for you to have a great job!
Do you have a job?
Yes - 10
No - 5

2.  Are you sure?  I know very few cases where a family doesn't love each other.  If that really is the case, you can always create that same sort of environment with your friends.
Do you have uplifting and supportive friends?
Yes - 12
No -  9

3.  What a blessing!  The United States of America is most definitely the best country in the world!  The opportunities here are beyond any in the world.  Here it is possible to go to school for free until 18 years old, when we can decide for ourselves where to continue our education in whatever area we want.
Have you been able to attend an institute for higher education? (university, state college, technical school, etc.)
Yes - 6
No - 1

4.  I'm so glad!  Being happy is the entire point of life!  With the entire world in the shape it's in, there are so many people that are unhappy, you are the luckiest person in the world!
The End, go to the next unnumbered paragraph!

5.  That's a bit unfortunate, but thankfully there are always jobs out there if you are a hard worker and patient.  It might not be easy, but it will work out.  Plus, having a job isn't necessary for a happy life.  Family is what makes life great.
Do you have a family laves loves and cares about you?
Yes - 8
No - 2

6.  How great!!  You are so lucky to be able to study what you want in a great environment.  I know some people say some schools are terrible, but it doesn't really matter, does it?  You only get out of it what you put in, and anyone can buy a text book and find out whatever they want to.  If you can work hard, your education can start you on a fantastic career path.
Do you have a job?
Yes - 10
No - 5

7.  I'm sorry, I love the USA.  I also love other countries.  As long as you have the drive to capitalize on whatever opportunities are present, your life will be fulfilling and amazing.  
Have you been able to attend an institute for higher education? (university, state college, technical school, etc.)

Yes - 6
No - 1


8.  Isn't it the best?!  My parents have been my biggest support through all my hard times, and my siblings have been my best friends over my whole life.  They inspire me, and they aren't afraid to nag me and tell me to do better.  Family is so important in my life.

Do you have uplifting and supportive friends?
Yes - 12
No -  9



9.  Oh sad, but here's the thing.  There are billions of people in the world, millions who would love to be great, supportive friends with you.  Don't be afraid to look for them, they are probably really close by, and you just don't know it yet.
Are you happy?
Yes - 4
No - 11

10.  Great!  You have something to put time and effort into to make the world a better place.  I hope it's something you love to do, or at least something that prepares the way for you to get there.  Having this great outlet will better your relationships with your friends and family.

Do you have a family laves loves and cares about you?
Yes - 8
No - 2


11.  Why not?  All the elements for joy are in your life, all you need to do is decide that you want to be happy.  Sure, sometimes it's tough, but my personal experience is that you can change your attitude quickly from sadness to happiness with a dash of the Spirit in your life. 
The End, go to the next unnumbered paragraph!

12.  Fantastic!  Friends can be a great influence in your life if you let them.  Who you choose to spend your time with is in part who you choose to become.  Don't forget to be a good influence on them as well.

Are you happy?
Yes - 4
No - 11

Well there it is.  This started out as a cool idea in my head, I don't know if it worked out that way.  I got a bit tired about halfway through.  Hopefully you feel a bit of the way I do, super blessed.  I was planning on adding some gospel related things, because that is what I feel most blessed with, but the state my mind is in, I wouldn't be able to do it justice.

Therefore I will simply bid you goodnight.

Goodnight!

Part of Your World

So I was reading in John tonight and I came across something really great.

1 John 3:6
         Whosoever abideth in Him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen Him, neither known Him.

Then in verse 24
         And he that keepeth His commandments dwelleth in Him, and He in him.  And hereby we know that He abideth in us, be the Spirit which He hath given us.

It struck me that we are literally part of Christ, we are connected on the deepest of levels.  This is how we can hear the Spirit of the Lord in our lives.  It is a great blessing.

On the other side of that though, is that when we do something to harm ourselves, our souls that He crafted for us (I talked about this here, in yesterday's entry) it affects our connection to Him.  We can no longer abide in Him so that we are protected from sin.  We must keep ourselves near Christ so that we may purify ourselves, even as He is pure (verse 3) and live righteous lives.

Well that's all I really have tonight, it made more of an impact in my own mind, but it's hard to write it out, my words don't do it justice.  I think this is more for me not to forget it tomorrow, but I hope you enjoyed it and that it opened your mind a bit.

If you like my body....

I am so grateful for what I have been given.  I have been given all the tools I need to live my life well.  Today I read a talk (or rather, devotional) given by Jeffrey R. Holland here at BYU in 1989 that explains a lot about the sanctity of our bodies and why we need to keep them pure.

The soul of man is a combination of body and spirit.  One cannot truly function without the other, so we need to keep them both in proper order. We cannot insist on slowly destroying ourselves with late night and unhealthy habits.  Last night I couldn't fall asleep until nearly four o'clock in the morning!  Today I have been sluggish and not nearly as responsive to the Spirit as I should have been.  In essence, there was a bit of separation between my body and my spirit, they could not easily communicate, like trying to talk to someone through a wall.

This is what the adversary wants.  He was never blessed with a body.  He can never experience any of the things we forget about because they become commonplace.  He doesn't know what it is to yawn, how fun it can be to sneeze, or how hilarious a high five gone wrong can be to watch.  He is so jealous of us!  He is angry and frustrated that he is missing out on these experiences.  This is why he gets us to do these terrible things to ourselves and each other.  He loves to see us unbalanced, unsteady, it validates his efforts.  If he can trip us up, we are more likely to make other mistakes, things that will damage our spirit as well, and widen the cracks this forms in our soul.

The Lord has given us stewardship over our bodies.  This means they are on loan, in a way.  We are watching after them in a way, until He returns to take charge once again.  This makes me think of the Parable of the Talents.  The Lord left talents with certain of His servants, giving them stewardship of them while He was gone.  The first two men took great care of their charges, even increasing them. The third did not, he buried it in the ground, it's potential was never realized.  When the Lord returned he took the talents from His servants.  Then He returned the talents to the first two men, plus an increase because of their faithfulness.  He did not return the talent to the third man.  This is akin to what God has done to our bodies.  He gave them to us for a time, until we die and He takes them back.  If we have taken good care of ourselves, kept our souls intact, He will return them to us even better than before.  If we have not cared for our souls and tended them well, then we will lose the glory that we originally had with no chance to improve our condition.

Thankfully, we have the chance to repent for any nicks or damage our souls experience.  The Atonement is all encompassing.  This includes what things we do to our bodies that we shouldn't.  This includes the Word of Wisdom, sexual transgression, and even not using them to their full potential.  This is amazing to me.  Christ was sent to redeem our souls, this includes our bodies!  I won't lie, I have not been the best steward of my body during my lifetime, but the opportunity I have to correct my mistakes is such a girft that I cannot even accurately describe the joy this gives me.

It's time to recommit to my life.  The Lord is not going to wait up for me.

That They Might Have Joy

Tonight was my first night studying with the help of Preach My Gospel.  I bought it today.  I want to read it cover to cover, so I started with the First Presidency Message.  That's as far as I got.

The first thing to strike me was in the first paragraph.  It says, "There is no ore compelling work than this, nor any which brings greater satisfaction."  The words compelling and satisfaction stood out to me.  At first glance they seem a bit off.  I'm not being forced to go on a mission, and satisfaction is used more to say that you're barely ok with it, that it fits the bill and that's about it.

Looking closer, and with the help of my handy dandy scriptures, there's a bit more too it.  Compelling is linked to Constraint in the Index.  Nephi was constrained to kill Laban in 1 Nephi 4:10.  Constraint is an action of the Spirit, confining you to the path you are meant to be on.  I am being constrained to go on a mission.  I am being compelled to serve.  I could deny the Spirit and find my own path, but it would not be nearly as fruitful as this one.  

I feel that being satisfied is more akin to when Jehovah ended a day of creating the Earth and called it "good" (Genesis 1) and then rested.  This satisfaction is of the eternal sort, by knowing that we have had a hand in someone changing their path and creating a better eternity for themselves and their family, we can rest and rejoice in the knowledge that we have done the work of the Lord.

Laborers in a Vineyard

That is something else that stood out to me.  In the third paragraph it says that every missionary is a part of the Lord's work and His glory.  I've never thought of it that way, but as a missionary, there are many descriptions of me in the scriptures.  Maybe not me specifically no, but when the Lord of the Vineyard labors with his servants in Jacob 5, that includes me now.  It's a bit daunting, but also really exciting.  I can already feel my horizons expanding.  My memory is improving, I haven't been able to pull scriptures out of my mind for a situation for a long while.  My mind is stretching, I can comprehend things or think of new ideas easier. Part of this is, I am aware, inspiration.  Tonight I was confronted with a choice, a conscious choice, of returning to my easier life that pleased the natural man in me, or shutting out someone who needs my help.  The Lord opened my mind to suggest something that keeps me focused on the Lord, "having an eye single to His glory" if you will, while also allowing me to be an instrument in His hands to help this young man.

It's like I've arrived in a whole new world.  Like I was blind, deaf, and utterly emotionless and cold to the world around me.  My world is exploding with color and music.  I can see the souls of my fellow man in the bright, beautiful sunbursts.  I cannot help but be astounded by it all.  The Lord's work is indeed good, and what's more, He is calling me to help Him improve it in my own way.

What can I say more?

Adieu!

Crazy Score for the Day: 7 of 10

Servants of the Lord, at Home and Abroad

My heart is full tonight for sure.

Last night I wasn't sure how much this change in the missionary age would affect the world, but talking to the people around me, I am filled with awe at the Lord's work.

Before yesterday, I knew so many people that were hesitant about missions. People that said "I don't want to," or "I don't know if I can," or even, "I don't feel like it's in my plan."  I was one of them.  As a girl, it is not mandated that I serve, so it has never been a big part of my life plan.  I've always thought that I would be married by then, that it wouldn't matter anyway.  Glory of glories, it is suddenly possible to serve now, and I am astounded by how many people are willing to serve, to leave school and sacrifice time to serve a mission.  They are everywhere, hundreds of them.

The best part is how serious they are taking it.  I talk to girls that say they have prayed and pondered and received their own personal witness.  I have talked to girls who are not as sure, and aren't afraid to say so.  They say, "I know it's in my plan, but I don't know yet if I'm meant to go now, or in a year, or even more."  I discussed for a while with a girl that is still unsure, but is leaning towards staying.  There is no shame in staying!  God's plan is different for all and for many it doesn't include a mission.  I am proud of those that are close enough to the Spirit to recognize that, and make their decision because of that, and not simply because they are afraid to go into the unknown.  

Those who have decided are inspirational.  
I have talked with many girls, and planned out the next eight or so months.  We are going to go through our closets and empty them of any clothes we cannot wear garments with.  We will only buy "mission modest" clothes from now on.  I recommitted with a few to learn the scripture mastery's again.  I will be taking mission prep with a few of them, and other religion classes.  We have a scripture reading group that people want to attend.  We are relearning the gospel, the scriptures, and the doctrine of the church with others in mind besides ourselves.  We are making plans with bishops and being productive.  These are all things that I knew I would do someday, and that day is today, it is now.  My life is changed.  I am changed.  I will never return to the darkness I knew before.

The Lord is expanding His work on the Earth, and asking for more qualified servants.  The valiant youth watch the bar raise even higher with a look in their eyes that says "bring it on." This is the time when we are all turning to the Lord to discover what His plan for us is.  Are we to go forth and serve, or stay behind and also serve?  Where does He want us?

I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord.

Over mountains or plains or sea.

I'll say want you want me to say, dear Lord.

I'll be what you want me to be.

The church, and therefore, the world, will never be the same again.  The righteous are stepping up,  and the Law of Opposition requires the same of the world.  It will not be easy, no matter where we are sent, but we are not alone.  The Lord watches over His children and keeps them safe.  To any of you who have stayed on this page long enough to get this far, do not be afraid, your Father in Heaven knows you, and knows where to send you.  Be willing to obey His commands, He will not lead you astray.

Until we meet again!

Crazy Score for the Day: 10 of 10

Called To Serve Him

Oh my gosh, crazy weekend!

Today it was announced that women can go on missions at age 19.  I'm almost 18 and a half.  The instant it was announced, I knew that I needed to go.  That was when I was called, or rather, when I realized that was being called.  Just the simple knowledge of this has pulled me out of my whole.  The last eight or nine months of my life have been really hard, I sort of lost myself.  The worst of it came this past week.  School has been terrible, classes that should be easy turning sour and concepts I used to know slipping out of my head.  Just the other day I was thinking, Why am I in school?  I'm not supposed to be here!  I set up an interview with my bishop, trying to get some help with things that I'm going through.  None of this made sense to me until today.

This is going to be an enormous change.  For me, for my friends, for BYU, and the entire church.

For me:  I'm going to spend 18 months of my life in the Lord's service.  Going on a mission was never something that  really considered, so this is a real change for me.  I've already taken a few prerequisites for the accounting program, and they usually advise you to wait until you come back to do that.  I'm not too worried.  I might need to retake a class or two, but I know that my sacrifice will benefit me in the end.  I'll need to take mission prep classes next semester and finish my GEs instead of accounting prereqs.  I'm actually really excited, it's going to be great!

For my friends:  We all suddenly have to decide what we want to do right now.  I know a lot of people who have said, "I'll go if I'm not married by then."  Well, suddenly then has arrived and we're not married.  Now we have to decide if we really wanted to or if we were just giving half hearted, cop-out answers.  We don't have to go, it's not a mandate, but why not? Why not serve the Lord?  He has done so much for him, why not give a bit more back than just tithing?  If we don't go, we might be judged, and while we don't want to care about that, obviously we do.  Our choice is to leave and serve the Lord, or stay and finish our education and find our husbands and start our families.

For BYU:  Suddenly, there are going to be a lot of freshman boys and upperclassmen girls that are going to be leaving in the next year.  There are going to be much fewer students for a while.  I talked to one of my friends about it and he was a bit worried about the dating pool.  For a while, the only girls at BYU will be freshman, RMs older than most single guys, married girls, engaged girls, girls who are not prepared emotionally or spiritually for missions, and the few girls who feel prompted to stay.  He is worried now that it will be even harder for him to find a good girl to marry, and that the competition from other guy RMs is going to be crazy.  Also, the freshman demographic will change as well.  There will mostly be girls, RMs, young guys that aren't 18 yet (they do exist!) and guys who choose not to or are unable to serve.  As an RA, I wonder how Helaman Halls will change.  Will there be RMs in the dorms?  Will they convert more of them to girl halls?  What happens to the wards?  RAs will have to step up.  There residents are now going to be either people preparing for and working towards missions, or returned missionaries that aren't used to college life.  Classes will also be full of these people.  Older, more experienced people will be participating in the lessons.  Everyone will have to step up their game.  

For the Entire Church:  The church is expanding explosively!  There will probably be 150 working temples in a couple years.  There are going to be thousands of new missionaries in the world, that means more missions, more mission presidents, and even more converts!  This is an amazing time for the church.  They are going to be more careful about who they send on missions, only the best will be allowed to represent the church, and Christ, who is the head thereof.

This has been such a long, amazing, life-changing day.  I have decided what the next two years of my life will entail, and set up the general framework of the two after that.  I am excited and ready to get where I want to go.

Until we meet again!

Crazy Score for the Day: 100 out of 10

Crazy Pills!

Hey there!  Been a loooong while since the last post!  My life has been crazy!  But I won't bore you with that, there's no point, it wouldn't hold your interest.

Oh well.

So there is some weird stuff going on right now.  I mean right now.  In my head.  As I type.  I'm drugged up!  Hooray!

No really, it was sad at first.  I've had a migraine all day.  I've never had one so I can't say for positive, but I could think that if it hurts so bad I can't stand up, it would have to be a migraine.  So, first for the day, migraine, awesome!

I'm not really one to take medication.  I had a knee surgery a couple of years ago and I only used half the bottle that I had refills on.  Plus, when I take it, it doesn't last very long.  But there's something about ibuprofen that gets in my head.  I don't get it.  I'm not an expert, but I've heard that you don't really get a weird effect, you can't OD or anything.  I swear though, two pills and I go crazy!  Seriously!  I get really giggly and fascinated with my own face. Like my lips get two sizes bigger and it takes me by complete surprise.
  
I'm totally not a druggie, not even a little bit, but it's the kind of feeling where I'm like "this is awesome, why can't I feel this way all the time?"

I have seen medicine cabinets 
that look like this.  This 
is not natural!

So now I'm coming off this weird 'high' of sorts and this has all got me thinking about how we use medications today.  We realize, or even just imagine that we realize, that there is something wrong with us, and we decide to pop a little pill to make ourselves feel all better.  Ow, stubbed my toe, oops, cut myself, wow, got the flu.  Pills, pills,pills.  It's all a bit crazy.  This is why I don't take meds often.  My body can fix itself and I'm not going to mess up my brain and body just so I get over it a day or two early.  I only take them when my mind would work better with the pills than the pain.  I just need to be able to function right?

Yeah, so all the crazy is gone now so I'm going to stop now, maybe pop a couple more painkillers and go to sleep.  If only I had some Ambien so I could just fall asleep right?

See ya later cool cats!

Crazy Score for the day: 8 of 10

Long time, no sleep

What a week! I have been so busy! I've decided I can't really go over every little thing that's happened to me in the last nine days or you would get bored reading it. Shoot, you're probably already bored!

So here goes. This past weekend I was in Spanish Fork. I was (of course) hanging out with Brandon and his family. We went to see the Piano Guys! I couldn't believe how funny they were! My favorite was "Terminator from Snowy River" because it was really just a funny little thing. They kept cutting between the theme from Terminator, which is this dark, impressive song full of bass and the theme from Man From Snowy River, which is this happy bouncy piano piece. There were no nice flowing in between stages, just Terminator-Happy Piano-Terminator-Happy Piano. Absolutely hilarious!

The other awesome thing that happened this weekend was that Brandon told me he wants to serve a mission! Oh, I really don't know how to describe how amazing this is to me and how proud of him I am. I know that if he sets his mind and heart to it he will be the best missionary he can be and that he will be able to teach and help countless people. It won't be easy for him but he can do it, there is an amazing strength inside him that I can see about to burst out. He just makes me so happy. I am so blessed to have him in my life.

I don't know what else to talk about now! There was a ton of crazy stuff, but talking about Brandon's decision has eclipsed everything else so that it seems perfectly ordinary. I guess besides that, we had a fire drill last night and I got to wear and orange vest and herd everyone out of the building and take roll. I saw a couple of my residents get distracted by some boys by the front door, I had to "rescue" them from danger. I'm grateful that my hall is a bug fun family that loves to party, but if there were a real fire, I don't think boys should be around.

ATTENTION TO ALL BOYS WHO EVER DO OR EVER WILL VISIT HINCKLEY HALL:
IF THERE IS A FIRE OR OTHER EMERGENCY, PLEASE GO AWAY. THE GIRLS SHOULD NOT BE PUT IN DANGER AFTER BEING DISTRACTED BY YOUR DREAMINESS.

I believe that is all I have to say.

Adios!

Craziness score for the days 10 out of 10

Wow, it's been a while huh? My only excuse is that I've been really really busy. All the craziness just showed up all at once.

So let's see, what was the last that you heard? Oh yeah, let's start with Saturday. So first off, Saturday was great! First me and Brandon had a fun movie party in the library. We head over and reserve a room for a few hours. The guy grabs his keys and walks over to the rooms with us. We walk down the row of tiny rooms with a couple of chairs and decent sized tv sets. They're all full. The guy turns the corner and looks in one last room. He looks back to us and says all apologetically, "they're all full besides the big room, is that ok?". He opens the door and leads us into this mini theater! Auditorium seating, gigantic projector screen with HD capabilities, and surround sound. We just kind of say "oh yeah this is good, thanks." and walk over to the awesome screen. Ok with that? Of course we were!We watched the movie Push and a few episodes of Firefly, which is a great show by the way. Push is also a fantastic, kind of trippy movie which was made even better by the surround sound and giant screen.

After that we headed back to Hinckley where we played Slender. Oh my goodness that is a freaky game! You wander around in the dark looking for eight pages with nothing but a flashlight. Then of course there's this tall skinny guy that follows you. Or does he? You never actually see him move, he just appears in the light beam when you turn around. But he never moves. Plus you can't look at him too long or this static overwhelms you and he takes you away or kills you or something. Then of course the flashlight dies after a while so you cam't see anything and you just wander until he finds you. It's really suspenseful! The first time I saw the slender man I totally screamed and Brandon laughed at me a bit. He wasn't scared at all! My fearless companion.

Then the night proceeded to get even crazier! We headed over to the Cannon Center, where they were broadcasting the BYU v. Utah football game. The game was a bit slow during the first half. We were down pretty bad. It was 7-24 when we started coming back. The last two minutes or so were fantastic! We had fought back until we were 21-24 and we were far away from the end zone. The clock ticked down until the last play. We ran it out of bounds. All the Utah fans thought they won, so they rushed the field. The play went under official review and it was determined that there was still one second left in the game. They had to get all the fans off the field for the last play. They didn't stay there though and rushed the field again before the play was even over! The refs penalized the fans for unsportsmanlike conduct! So they gave us one last play. We tried for a field goal but the football bounced off the uprights and didn't make it through!!! Six inches to the right and it would have gone in and we would have gone into overtime!!! Oh man in was ridiculous!

All right, before I get too worked up, let's move on to Sunday. There was a huge multistake conference in the Marriott Center. Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk about being single or not and he used the analogy of having a warm jacket or not. It was really funny. Later me and Brandon were talking about the winter and I said something about taking off my jacket when I got inside. He said "Ohhhh I see how it is, we're going to stay outside all day if that's the case.". We laughed, but we did end up staying outside all day. We laid out on a blanket and read scriptures for a while and chatted and took a nap. Oh my it was so nice, I can't remember ever being so perfectly content!

Then we went up to my room (no worries, it was visiting hours) and just relaxed and talked. It was nice. Then he had to go home and our perfect weekend came to a close.

Then it was Monday, and the stress began. I missed classes, was late to a meeting, got confused on my homework, felt sick, and fell asleep all within six hours. Tuesday was a bit better, on time to class and meetings and got all my homework done. So now we're up to today. I'm midway through my classes and feeling pretty good. I understand what's being said. Well maybe that's because I'm in a business class so I actually like it.

So there you have my awesome story of my awesome weekend. There are some more awesome plans for this next weekend. I will keep you up to speed on the craziness in my life.

Later gators!


Craziness score for the day(s): 9.5 of 10

Tired of Being Tired

Hey all, so this has probably been one of the longest days of the last few months.  I can't even say exactly what made it so long.  Just a lot of isolated incidents that make me so tired.

First off, phone conversation until around 5:30 a.m. This one I don't mind as much.  It was a good one, and with Brandon, so no complaints!

The complaints start when my alarm goes off a whole two hours before it was supposed to!  I seriously had a battle with the snooze button until I finally just reset the alarm and went back to sleep.  I swear, my alarm delights in waking me up at the exact wrong time.  Don't I control this obnoxious little device on my counter? Apparently not!

Oh well, at least I got a happy little text in the morning right after I finally got up right?  Exactly!  Once again, thank you Brandon.

Alright, I'm awake now, ready for class.  Wow, I didn't remember going to class until just now.  Shows how memorable it was doesn't it?  Especially considering the fact that I turned in a pretty awesome paper today.  Then we talked about farms and cities while I watched the clock.  I've been really excited about this weekend for a few days now and I really just wanted it to start.

Then it did.  Oh my goodness it did.

Phone calls, tears, talks, more tears.  That was the first couple of hours right there.  Then Brandon arrived and there was much rejoicing.  Imagine me kind of collapsing all tired like but at the same time giggling in his arms.  That's kind of how it went.  Spending time with Brandon is great because he kind of lives a fair distance away from me.  Hence the really long phone calls.  It ended way too soon unfortunately.  Right when we were having a great time, laughing and all that wonderful jazz.  I had to go to all my fun RA commitments.  So he went over to a friend's place where he's staying for the weekend (thanks Spencer!!) and we said adieu for the evening.

During my RA commitment (movie night) I got into a discussion with my good friend and co-worker Emily about cuddling, as she was sort of hugging on a giant teddy bear.  I offered my cuddling services and I was totally turned down.  Sad day!  Though as she said she was worried Brandon would get jealous I suppose I can't be too torn up about it.

Then to the office!!  Since it's a Friday, office hours go until 1:30 in the morning. Kill.  Me.  Now.

No, not really.  I don't want to die, I've got way too much to live for!  I was just kind of slow and distant all night, so basically, not at all myself.  To make it worse, Brandon decided to go to sleep at like 10:00 so I wasn't able to talk to him at all!  Talk about being lonely in a crowded room.  Thank goodness for Devin telling me to leave room for Jesus (he thought I was still hanging out with Brandon) because it really made my night. 

Now it's all over and I must sleep, another crazy day is ahead of me tomorrow.  It's in our plans to play Slender, this scary game that has you get stalked by a skinny guy in a suit.  Sounds terrifying to me, so here's hoping I won't pee my pants.  I'll let you know how that one goes.  

Plus, the Holy War reaches its end!  Time for the BYU v. Utah football game!  That will be super exciting!

Catch ya later!

Crazy score for the day: 9 of 10